Who Would Get Custody of the Space Lasers?
So, Marjorie Taylor Greene wants a divorce. Wouldn’t it be lovely if it were that simple? To just herd all the weirdos into Florida, and let Bugs saw ‘em right off the continent? Sit on the beach, watch ‘em float away into the Atlantic, that endless, inescapable whining growing fainter and fainter…oh man, life would be one big Corona commercial.
I want to go to there. But I’m stuck here. With Marjorie Taylor Greene, Stuck in the United States of America during this golden age of mass killings linked to extremism, because the American Right refuses to entertain alternatives to the “radicalize idiots all day” turnout strategy that’s failed them in three consecutive elections.
You shriek and you moan, around the goddamn clock, about hydroxychloroquine and Jewish space lasers and furry kid litter boxes and Hillary Clinton eating baby faces and then when voters decide they don’t want to be governed by psychopaths, which is reasonable of them, you invent bigger lies, and drive yourselves crazier and crazier, until some of you snap and do terrorism, and maybe, just maybe, it’s time to try something else.
But no, modern Republican culture is about pushing on a door with a pull sign and calling it “fighting,” and learning from your mistakes is for sissies, so the plan is to crank the volume and menace the neighbors with firearms when they complain.
****, let MAGA nation secede, says me, on the condition that they take all their **** guns with them, and immediately build a giant **** wall around themselves. We’d agree to airdrop Twinkies and ammunition every six weeks until they wipe themselves out, which should take about two weeks.
Michigan Republicans, in their wisdom, elected deeply insane failed Secretary of State candidate Kristina Karamo as state chair, indicative of the party’s broader losers-who-won’t-go-away problem, which they have so richly earned.
Look, winners don’t ingest livestock medication, and I can’t be any clearer than that.
Because he’s way transparenter than that Pelosi broad, Kevin McCarthy released thousands of hours of secret security footage from the Capitol Riot to the media. Well, not the whole media, of course. This footage belongs to the public, not the lügenpresse! Kevin had conditions.
You had to be a serial conspiracy theorist, on everything from Covid to the Big Lie. You definitely had to’ve platformed the white nationalist “great replacement theory,” obviously. Kevin strongly preferred, but did not insist upon candidates who pimp Viktor Orbán and giggle like some sidekick-level cartoon halibut in a direct-to-video Disney sequel, but you couldn’t, under any circumstances, be an actual journalist of any kind.
Now, having thoroughly enjoyed Gym Jordan’s faceplant-heavy debut as Mr. Serious Investigator Man, I am sympathetic to the Speaker’s impulse to outsource propaganda operations to a more experienced hand, but common sense and common decency compel me to ask, what the **** is wrong with you, dude?
Hey Kevin, can somebody who’s not the mouth of American fascism get a peek at them vids? No? Just Tucker? Well, that’s certainly a choice.
It took extra shamelessness to pull that **** in the wake of the Dominion lawsuit revelations, but luckily, that’s the one area where McCarthy’s reserves are limitless. Exclusive access for the guy who knowingly fed his audience lies? Who tried to get a colleague fired for telling the truth?
Who, incidentally, gushed, “If you haven’t seen the tape of (Trump) ordering in McDonald’s, treat yourself?” Unrepentant hate-mongering aside, doesn’t America deserve to hear from someone slightly less pathetic?
“Treat yourself.” If my life were that embarrassing, I suppose I’d craft an elaborate alternate reality to hide in, too.